Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

~ for laffs ;-> Originally started by Ole 63 - 'Hey, ladies. Get with the program'

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Raggedyann
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Post by Raggedyann » 03-16-2014 03:24 AM

Welcome to Colorado

For those who haven't heard, Colorado just enacted two new laws - legalizing gay marriage and recreational marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense!

Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man he should be stoned.”

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

Isn't the Bible an amazing book?
“For evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing.” Simon Wiesenthal

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voguy
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Post by voguy » 03-16-2014 08:19 AM

I'm sure there are some that interpreted the bible in this way. Funny how the Bible predicts things, just like it predicted Nixon's problems.
Neimeiah 8:1 (New International Version)
all the people assembled as one man in the square before the Water Gate.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Thomas Jefferson

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Doka
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Post by Doka » 03-12-2015 02:43 PM

Wow! There is some funny stuff in this place. :)



The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his
deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the
mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen
Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to
sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
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Riddick
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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Riddick » 07-30-2016 02:04 AM

Image

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Doka
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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 07-30-2016 09:29 AM

Riddick wrote:Image


That is so funny!
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Raggedyann
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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Raggedyann » 10-01-2019 11:47 AM

Yep
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“For evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing.” Simon Wiesenthal

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Riddick
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Mother-In-Law Humor

Post by Riddick » 06-19-2020 07:36 AM

"I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in."
Henny Youngman

"On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse." - Milton Berle

"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
Henny Youngman

"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'" - Joan Rivers

"I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law in eighteen months - I don't like to interrupt her." - Kevin Dodd

Secretary to W.C. Fields: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law."
W.C. Fields: "Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible."

"Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law." - Mark Twain

One cannibal says to the other: "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?"

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? Just one - She simply holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

A constantly nagged and harried son-in-law decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a birthday present.
On her next birthday he didn’t give her a gift.
Upset, the mother-in-law asked the son-in-law why. The angry son-in-law responded, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

Two ladies came before King Solomon, fighting over a young man. “He’s my son-in law!” one said. “No he’s mine!” countered the other.
After thinking a bit the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut him in half, you will each get half.”
“No!” one lady screamed, “I would rather the other lady get the whole son-in-law.”
“Ah HAH!” said a smiling King Solomon, “I now know who is the mother-in-law. For only a real mother-in-law would stand quietly while her son-in-law gets cut in half.”

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Riddick
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Ghost Joke

Post by Riddick » 07-19-2020 08:11 PM

What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?

“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

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Funny Friday

Post by Riddick » 07-31-2020 01:40 AM

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.

I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.

I wasn't going to visit my folks this December, but mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What did the French groundhog see when he woke up? --- His château.

What did the duck say to the waiter? --- "Put it on my bill."

What do you call a magical Labrador? --- A Labracadabrador!

What did one booger say to the other? --- "You think you're funny, but you're snot."

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Doka
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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 07-31-2020 11:52 AM

Thank's for the "Chuckles" , Riddick, much appreciated :D !
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