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DEJA VIEW An Offbeat Classic TV Take On The 2016 Campaign

Captain's Log STAR DATE 1329.8. In orbit around the planet Gilligan in the galaxy of Sherwood on the outer edge of the Constellation Schwartz

Kork: Any sign of stranded castaways on the surface, Spork?

Spork: No life signs, Captain.

McHoi: They're dead Jim.

Kork: Isn't that what no life signs indicate?

McHoi: Are YOU a doctor?

Kork: OK, ok! So what's that odd communication feed from the shipwreck?

Spork: It appears to be an attempt at topical humor. Political parody, to be precise. Early 21st century America

Kork: But is it funny?

Spork: In historical context, Captain.

Kork: Fascinating!

Spork: I believe that is one of my lines.

Kork: Sorry Spork. Here, have one of mine

Spork: As you wish, Captain: Your thoughts, Bones?

McHoi: I'm a DOCTOR Dammit! NOT a comedy critic!

Spork: What is your point with that remark Doctor?

McHoi: Look who's talking. Mister Pointed Ears himself.

Kork: Simmer down Bones! And Spork? Quit handing Bones straight lines

Spork: Atmospherics has re-stabilized, I have a lock on the feed again Captain

Kork: Main Screen!

-----

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET - WE ARE CONTROLLING TRANSMISSION - For The Next Sixty Minutes Sit Back And Pay CLOSE Attention (As If Anyone Would Even For An Instant Ignore He Who Will Deliver America From Evil)

And now, here he is! World's greatest persuader and all around great guy who was cleared of all charges... Mistaken identity, no really it was, he'd never do anything like that, especially at Drump University International! World class! Good ol' DUI...

ah-*aHEM* I seem to've gone off message just a bit. Silly me! Well anyway here's a man who needs no introduction if ever there was, so why waste any more time?

HEY ALL YOU DRUMPETEERS! IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. YOU KNOW IT, I KNOW IT, BUT WOULD YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE STILL FOLKS WHO DON'T AND ARE STILL SUPPORTING LOSERS LIKE LYIN' TED OOZE??

WE'D LIKE NOTHING ELSE BUT TO TEACH THEM AND THE WHOLE WORLD TO SING IN PERFECT HARMONY THE DONALD DRUMP CLUB SONG! A 1, AND A 2...

Donald-DRUMP-Club,Donald-Drump-CLUB *tatatata tatatata tata tatata tatata tata*

Who's THE ONLY candidate Who's ALL ABOUT the "We" -

D-O-N A-L-D D-R-U-M-P

- Though if you're WE illegally? You're unwelcome as CAN be!

D-O-N A-L-D D-R-U-M-P

ISIS strikes, ANYwhere? HE WON'T pull out HIS hair -
- He'll torture 'em so much they'll beg to DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Come along and sing our song and join our jamboree

D-O-N A-L-D D-R-U-M-P

Yay DONALD! Yay DONALD! Yay DONALD DRUMP CLUB! Yippeeeee!!!!!!! ..........

BwoOOOP! * Programming INTERRUPTED For This Message From SUR RODLING -

There's a signpost up ahead. It reads, "Make America Great Again" - It's at a fork in the road. A man reads it, for a moment but for only a moment he hesitates before coming to a decision.

"Sounds good to me. And hey, why not? AND why be picky? What else do I need to know eh? It's like I always say: you reach a fork in the road? TAKE IT!!"

And so a journey begins. Where it will end, Berra only knows. Nothing will deter him from the type of greatness that can only be had..... in THE DONALD ZONE. ~~

Spork: Very strange.

Kork: One thing about venturing into the Unknown. You can't say it's not optimistic! Wouldn't you say, Bones?

McHoi: I'm a DOCTOR dammit NOT a philosopher!!


TO BE CONTINUED... STAY TUNED!!

DEJA VIEW Part II

Captain's Log: We were watching the funny feed with interest, then suddenly...

**BZZT**BLORT***SNAP***CRACKLE***POP~~!!

Kork: What happened Spork? I need answers, Mister!

Spork: Degraded signal Captain. Storms on the surface interference.

Kork: Can we confirm the material's satirical value with the ship's computer?

Spork: Unlikely. Most details of the time were lost due to a near-fatal Web attack.

Kork: Hmm, I seem to recall there WAS conflict then? Related to global climate?

Spork: Yes Captain. The climate was changing.

Kork: So this attack happened BEFORE change was halted.

Spork: No, Captain. Earth climate always changes.

McHoi: I'm a DOCTOR Dammit, NOT a climatologist!

Kork: HUH? What? Are you all right, Bones?

McHoi: Are YOU a climatologist?

Spork: Have you been self-medicating again, Doctor?

McHoi: Razzin'-Frazzin' Blankety-Blank-Blank Valcun!

Kirk: OK, ok. That's enough! The signal's back, Spork?

Spork: Receiving, Captain.

Kork: MAIN SCREEN!!

--

As anyone who's been watching the show knows, it's not looking good for the GOP Establishment. CAN they stop Drump before the convention? If not, WILL they try ruling him out there? Are ANY signs NOT reading 'Road Destruction Ahead' for the party?

...Be sure NOT to miss THIS week's EXCITING episode of "MISSION IMPROBABLE"

~~

You're watching "The BULLSH!T Channel" - AND coming up next, AFTER the news: Another riotous episode of "The Many Lies Of Hellory Clanton"...

But right now, last but not least and as always, our most popular segment of the evening: "TIME FOR SANDIE" with Amercia's favorite populist socialist Sandie Burney!

Have YOU ever noticed how political campaigns are like breakfast cereals? Loaded with artificial ingredients, and presumably "fortified" with vitamins and minerals - Of course, MY campaign doesn't follow the usual formula, it's the REAL DEAL folks!

But I'm here to tell you, as good as it is, my breakfast cereal is going to get even better. Forget Hellory, she's Quake to my Quisp and headed for the rock pile. And Drump's nutritionally deficient hard to swallow cereal doesn't even qualify as food.

When I get to the WH, we're going to go beyond the usual socialist formula. Never again will anyone in America lack for breakfast cereal OR anything else. Everything anyone could possibly need or ever want will be included as 'Prizes' in every box...

Socialist Crispies from POST (Presidential Ordainments, Suplendious Taxes)!

***BEEEeeeeWOOP***

Kork: What the HELL's going on? Where'd the picture go? Answers, Spork?

Spork: I believe the cable converter has gone out again, Captain.

Kork: Sh!t. Talk about 21st century. Why are we still using those?

McHoi: I'm a DOCTOR, Dammit NOT a cable guy!

Kork: SOS. Give it a rest, Bones. I think you could use a bit of a lie down yourself.

Shoddy: Aye, it's the box! I kin rig up somethin', just give me a minute.

Spork: Is there any pressing reason we need continue watching Captain?

Kork: The rescue went bust, and it's something to do besides just sitting around.


TO BE CONCLUDED... STAY TUNED!

DEJA VIEW The Final Chapter!

Captain's Log: As Shoddy was doing HIS thing, I was just saying to Spork with the mission DOA we're here so let's keep watching the feed, it's good for a few laughs

...(Kork) And I bore easily. How's it going Shoddy? It's been almost a full minute.

Shoddy: Well, Cap'n, it's done but I had ta turn life support to minimum, re-wire the entire ship's systems, and tie directly into the engine controls, we've got mebbe five minutes before the warp core goes critical.

Kork: Your usual Shoddy work! Still, it's better than nothing I guess.

Spork: Popcorn's ready Captain.

Kork: Thanks Spork. Mmmm! Move theater butter, my favorite... Crank 'er up, Shoddy!

---

"I tell you, folks: Drump's Super PHROSTED FLAKES - Under The Sun? There's Never Been ANYTHING Better - To Say They're GREAT Is Gross Understatement!"

Recorder eariler, from his "Excellence In BS" studio that was Donald Drump Club Cheerleader Lush Rimbaugh -

We now take you live to "The Many Lies Of Hellory Clanton" already in progress, brought to you by the makers of HelloryOs: ALL The Power Of Clanton Legacy PLUS Obuma 3rd Term Goodness!

Bubba G: MMMmmm! Albatross flavor.

Hellory: We've got a Presidency to take back and you're stuffing your face?

Bubba G: Don't worry I'm using skim milk and Splenda. I like to eat when I'm surfing. See the latest scandal?

Hellory: "PANTSUITGate"? That's REALLY hitting below the Beltway! As if I have anything to hide.

Bubba G: It's not just anything. It's EVERYTHING.

Hellory: What ME cover-up? It's a total and unmitigated lie!

Bubba G: By which you're saying it's the truth?

Hellory: Absolutely! Just not total and unmitigated

Bubba G: Well, Hellory, like I do you know the old saying - "A Waste IS A Terrible Thing To Mind!"


**CRASH BOOM BAMM BAM BAM (SHIP SHUDDERS JUST AS THE PICTURE CUTS OUT)

Kork: What the fock? Shoddy! That wasn't nearly five minutes!

Shoddy: Ah, this is odd, we're gettin' feedback from the feed an' it focked up the Dilithium crystals. Impulse was hit, too - We've the power to maintain orbit only, so we'll be needin' a more than able assist from Fleet

Kork: Well that's just great. Is there any way we can get the feed back without the feedback?

Shoddy: Sorry Cap'n, my jiggerin's fried the box... The good news is, outbound communication IS workin'

Kork: Ok, open a channel to Star Fleet rescue and have them take the long way here, then for fun open one to Harry Nudd and have him send some of his girls over post haste -- What's that raised eyebrow, Spork?

Spork: Nothing Captain.

Kork: Right. Now YOU'RE looking at me, Bones? I hope that doesn't mean you're against a little hanky-panky

McHoi: Can I say something?

Kork: Go right ahead.

McHoi: I'm a DOCTOR Dammit NOT a COMPLETE and Utter PRUDE!

Kork: ATTA BOY, McHoi!



Our Gal Hellory
( to the tune of SECRET AGENT MAN )

There's a gal who works to ward off danger
From campaign squeaks & leaks, but what's even stranger
With ev'ry step she takes, the world around her shakes
Odds are she'll stride right into the White House --
Our Gal Hellory, Our Gal Hellory!
A power-lusting wonder, she's great at playin' the game...

Dancin' from the left to the right one day
And then talkin' from the other corner next day,
With every word that drips
Off her pretentious lips
Odds are some'll hear just what they want to --
Our Gal Hellory, Our Gal Hellory!
A power-lusting wonder, she's great at playin' the game...

Once she wins her party's nomination
And as she travels all across the nation
She'll carefully weigh
Each and ev'ry last cliche
So odds are folks'll see her as "less evil" --
Our Gal Hellory, Our Gal Hellory!
A power-lusting wonder, she's great at playin' the game...

If it comes election day that you find
You're havin' a hard time making up your mind,
Just think of how she'll gloat
Once she wins the big vote,
And odds are folks won't know what's gonna hit them --
Our Gal Hellory, Our Gal Hellory!
The Clantons take back power, you can bet they'll feel no shame...

"Watching Trump vs Hillary is like watching Godzilla vs Mothra. You may like one more than the other, but no matters who wins, they're still going to destroy the city and kill a lot of innocent people." -Jeremy McLellan

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