Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work More Often

~ for laffs ;-> Originally started by Ole 63 - 'Hey, ladies. Get with the program'

Moderator: Super Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Riddick
Pirate
Posts: 15735
Joined: 11-01-2002 03:00 AM
Location: Heartland USA
Contact:

Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work More Often

Post by Riddick » 04-09-2016 11:59 PM

Ahhh...I see the fock-up fairy has visited us again...

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh!t.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.
A mind should not be so open that the brains fall out; however, it should not be so closed that whatever gray matter which does reside may not be reached. ART BELL

Everything Woke turns to Image
-Donald Trump Image

User avatar
voguy
Pirate
Posts: 4175
Joined: 06-01-2011 05:47 PM
Location: Moving Target (soon SA)

Re: Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work More Often

Post by voguy » 04-10-2016 09:14 AM

A few from me....

Prick? I'll have you know I have a PhD in Prick. Wait till I unload my thesis on you.

You didn't have a brain fart. The portion of your brain for good judgement s--t its self.

(When passing a foreigner with bad BO with a friend). I see he's wearing that new cologne, ode de goat.

(At the office discussing beer). me: That beer last night tasted like dog piss. buddy: No, we had dog piss the weekend before, this was more like cat piss.

(A friend from the UK talking about a coworker). He's so stupid, if he got into a taxi he would be challenged to find a way out.

(Three of us on a mountain looking at strange aircraft/UFO). 1st friend: Now there is something you don't see every day. 2nd friend: You have an amazing grasp of the obvious.

How can you sit there in good faith and not think there is a neon sign over your head flashing "moron"?

Two German journalists talking about a recent vote: 1st man: I'm sure (Angela) Merkel had the best intentions. 2nd man: I'm sure Merkel has an address on Straßenstrich. (Street of prostitutes).
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Thomas Jefferson

User avatar
kbot
Pirate
Posts: 7302
Joined: 03-12-2008 05:44 AM

Re: Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work More Often

Post by kbot » 04-10-2016 06:31 PM

One that we've been hearing a lot at the hospital is: "It's a clusterf*ck......."
There you go man, keep as cool as you can. Face piles and piles of trials with smiles. It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. And keep on thinking free. (Moody Blues)

Post Reply

Return to “Laugh a bit with Ole 68”