Intellectual Jokes

[Riddick]

If you get the following jokes, then hats off to you, you smarty pants!

1. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

2. Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

3. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

4. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

5. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

6. Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation.

7. A German asks for a martini. "Dry?" says the bartender. "Nein, just one."

8. Two women walk into a bar and discuss the Bechdel test.

9. Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov gasps, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dogs".

10. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

11. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.