~ for laffs ;-> Originally started by Ole 63 - 'Hey, ladies. Get with the program'
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Milwaukee Journal humor writer Gerald Kloss loved to tell stories in other writers' words — not as a plagiarist, more of a sampler, lifting bits of literature to tell a different tale. Often, he stole from Shakespeare, but he also borrowed from the Bible.
In this column, first published June 1, 1965, when the Braves were in their final season in Milwaukee, Kloss purported to show that the good book had the goods on baseball, too.
Start Of Game
Let the young men now arise, and play before us. — II Samuel 2:14
Play skillfully with a loud noise. — Psalms 33:3
And they pitched one over against the other. — I Kings 20:29
There were certain of the scribes sitting there, and reasoning in their hearts.
— Mark 2:6
And one man among them was clothed in linen, with a writer's inkhorn by his side. — Ezekiel 9:2
And, behold, the man clothed in linen, which had the inkhorn by his side, reported the matter. — Ezekiel 9:11
Thou hast a mighty arm: Strong is thy hand, and high is thy right hand. — Psalms 89:13
Thou hast scattered thine enemies with thy strong arm. — Psalms 89:10
He striketh them as wicked men in the open sight of others. — Job 34:26
With a strong hand shall he drive them out of his land. — Exodus 6:1
Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth. — Exodus 8:17
The rod of correct shall drive it far from him. — Proverbs 22:15
Behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee. — Exodus 8:21
Thou shalt fall upon the open field. — Ezekiel 39:5
Behold, thou art fair. — Song of Songs 1:15
When he speaketh fair, believe him not: For there are seven abominations in this heart. — Proverbs 26:25
Having eyes, see ye not? And having ears, hear ye not? — Mark 8:18
Ejection From Game
Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commended in my habitation? — I Samuel 2:29
Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
For many are called, but few are chosen. — Matthew 22:8-9
Get you early on your way, that thou mayest go home. — Judges 19:9
Our backslidings are many. — Jeremiah 14:7
Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe: And I will have respect unto my statutes continually. — Psalms 119:117
He was a thief, and had the bag. — John 12:6
The righteous runneth into it, and is safe. — Proverbs 18:10
Thou shalt not steal. — Exodus 20:15
What has thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me? — Genesis 31:26
Provide me now a man that can play well, and bring him to me. — I Samuel 16:17
And he smote thrice, and stayed. — II Kings 13:18
He also made bases. — II Chronicles 4:14
Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains. — Isaiah 49:13
Plea For Expansion
Yet the defensed city shall be desolate, and the habitation forsaken, and left like a wilderness; There shall the calf feed, and there shall he lie down, and consume the branches thereof. — Isaiah 27:10
Now therefore make ye a league with us. — Joshua 9:6
I know quite a few Boston archdiocese priests who would love this.......
What the hell are we fighting for? Ah, just surrender and it won't hurt at all. You just got time to say your prayers. Yeah, while you're waiting for the hammer to fall. (Brian May of Queen)