RE: thanksgiving Dinner

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Gwen
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RE: thanksgiving Dinner

Post by Gwen » 11-23-2002 03:20 PM

For those of you who are coming to my place for Thanksgiving dinner --Martha Stewart isn't going to be here! Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks
do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that
the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had
planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal
goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.
Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate
and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.
Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the
finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait.
I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding
Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of
these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our
feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private"
meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the
rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head
with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of
the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions
you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce
stains.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12
different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie,
garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice;
take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this year. She probably won't come next year either. I am thankful.

~~~~~~~~author unknown Image



[This message has been edited by Gwen (edited 23 November 2002).]

Linnea
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Post by Linnea » 11-23-2002 09:23 PM

Hahahhahhaaahahhhaa!

I just bought a turkey and the other stuff to get it all together. And found this post - just in time to make it all worthwhile.
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lutefisk
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Post by lutefisk » 11-24-2002 12:19 AM

Turkey in the dryer!!! Image Image

Cherry Kelly
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Post by Cherry Kelly » 11-24-2002 11:22 AM

Now THAT made me laugh!!!

We won't be having turkey this year - we have opted for a nice spiral cut ham - see we wanna be different!

---
No M Stewart won't be here either. Entrants into this domicile will have to put up with open 2x4 railings - well they will be walls when we get time to finish the remodelling. The ceiling will be still the silver sided boards, so lighting will be minimal in the livingroom. As for the kitchen we sit those who can, otherwise its the coffee table or tv trays - wooden of course. China - well I might manage to get out the good china if I can dig my way through stacked boxes (ok those boxes are livingroom knickknacks that are currently stored whilewe remodel) - I might be able to get to the china hutch.

As for decoration - ahh sorry thats out this year... unless you want me to drag the colorful geranium out of my sun room - its bright red with flowers.

So - don't bother with my house either - its sort of a missmatch rightnow - but by Christmas I do hope to at least have some of the boxes moved...

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Cpt Spike Mike
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Post by Cpt Spike Mike » 11-25-2002 01:17 AM

For best results, defrost your turkey on the cotton/sturdy setting. Remove the giblet bag beforehand, and skip the Bounce dryer sheets.

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Dude111
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Post by Dude111 » 11-23-2013 05:52 PM

Gwen wrote: For those of you who are coming to my place for Thanksgiving dinner --Martha Stewart isn't going to be here! Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
Ah thats too bad.... Thank you for letting us know!!


EDIT:

I was gonna ask if I could come if she was :D



[This message has been edited by Dude111 (edited 23 November 2013).]

Cherry Kelly
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Post by Cherry Kelly » 11-25-2013 04:29 PM

wow - so long ago - still funny!

Now this year - small turkey, small ham -- together should provide plenty for a house filled with family and friends.
PLUS the trimmings...
the usual kinds....

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