12 below zero
. That's the low forecast for this first day of the new year hereabouts. Our projected low for tomorrow is 3 above, the first day since the near on nation spanning snap began Christmas Day it'll be non-negative. They predict a high of 32 for us Sunday, but otherwise all frigid temps 'til then
As it is, it's been so cold across so much of the country
Refrigerators are redundant.
Open the door to the house, the light goes on.
Bake a cake, set it out to cool, 10 minutes later it's frosted.
False teeth chatter yet they are still in the glass.
Cars won't run and noses won't stop.
It's not a rock rattling around in your shoe, it's your toe.
Cows threatened to strike unless they got bras to cover their udders.
A flock of chickens went to a KFC begging to get fried up.
Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks are serving coffee on a stick.
Instead of flashing it, exhibitionists just hold up pictures.
Walking out the door, it's like automatic botox.
Apathetic folks are turning to politics JUST FOR all the hot air.
People's shadows are freezing to the sidewalks.
They're still trying to chip the dogs off the fire hydrants.
Last but not least
, IT'S BEEN SO COLD
When Al Gore's Nobel prize was knocked off the shelf and hit the floor, it shattered to tiny bits!