Welcome To The Babylon Bee

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Doka
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Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 01-17-2020 09:13 PM

I would suggest Democrats stay away from this thread, it requires humor, and some sophistication and is not for children.




What is The Babylon Bee?

The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.

Pelosi Releases Limited-Edition Replica Of Dentures Worn During Trump Impeachment

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi has announced a new creative fundraiser for Dems in 2020: auctioning off limited-edition replicas of the dentures she wore during Trump's impeachment.

The dentures have Pelosi's signature emblazoned in gold across the gums. Only 300 sets were made, so you'll need to jump on this opportunity to get this coveted souvenir from Trump's somber impeachment ceremony.

The bidding starts at $1,000.00 per pair, with all proceeds going to help Dems campaign on impeachment. Excited Democrats began bidding on the dentures, driving the price up into the tens of thousands of dollars immediately.

"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get a historic relic from this somber, very serious impeachment trial," Pelosi said in a speech, pulling back her lips to show the emblazoning on her official, original pair of historic dentures. "The plating on the signatures are authentic, 24K gold." You can even customize your dentures with "bling" like gold or silver teeth with messages like "ORANGE MAN BAD" or "IMPEACH 45."

The Speaker of the House also said that if you act fast, you'll get a collector's edition plate and coin absolutely free. You're also able to "buy it now" with financing options of just 30% of your income for the rest of your life.

Pelosi is also auctioning off a limited number of empty vodka bottles, the contents of which were consumed during the impeachment proceedings.

https://babylonbee.com/news/pelosi-rele ... mpeachment
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 01-21-2020 03:15 PM

Politics
Warren: 'Bernie Once Told Me In Private That 'The Princess Bride' Is A Garbage Movie And Those Who Enjoy It Are Human Trash'

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., on Monday said that Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt, in 2018 told her that The Princess Bride is a garbage movie and those who enjoy it are human trash — a statement the Sanders campaign had blasted as "a lie" earlier in the day.

"Bernie and I met for a few hours in May 2018 to discuss the 2020 election," Warren said in a statement. "Among the topics that came up was The Princess Bride. I thought it was a fabulous movie; he disagreed."

Warren claims Bernie also told her that he hates puppies, beer, Dolly Parton, and that on the day he became president he would outlaw french fries. "He told me, people who eat french fries are vermin," she told reporters. "Literal vermin."

"It is ludicrous to believe that at the same meeting where Elizabeth Warren told me she was going to run for president, I would tell her that stuff about this Princess movie and french fries and these things," he said.

In her statement, Warren said, "I have no interest in discussing this private meeting any further because Bernie and I agree more than we disagree. We have been friends and allies in this fight for a long time, and I have no doubt we will continue to work together to defeat Donald Trump and put our government on the side of the people." She then added, "Also, he told me he hates babies."

https://babylonbee.com/news/warren-bern ... uman-trash
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 01-21-2020 05:12 PM

:lol:

Adam Shiftless would like that satire since he pulled off the same thing, kinda realistically like fake news, in the early investigation BS. :raspberry He was getting red faced and worked up today; along with Readers Shumer!

Gold plated dentures at $300 a piece? Wow what a buy Doka!

I would rather have one of the free 11 (or MORE?) ink pens she signed her 11 letter name with for the articles recently. One pen, one letter, one pen, one letter! etc, etc. :confused: :lol:


MK II :)
.......all wasteful, climate changing wars. Begun again by the Red Blooded Royals, or by a bewitching God-like dictator, or any so called religion, or for any other reasons like a world wide virus pandemic! MK II 4/26/15

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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 01-24-2020 02:21 PM

CNN Unveils New Format Where Hosts Just Watch Fox News And Yell At It

January 24th, 2020

ATLANTA, GA—CNN has introduced a new format for its news shows: Now when people tune in, they’ll see two anchors sitting at a desk with a TV between them tuned to FOX News about which the anchors will yell about angrily.

“They’re not even talking about what Adam Schiff said in the impeachment trial,” anchor Oliver Darcy shouted in a recent broadcast as he and co-anchor Brian Stelter watched a FOX News report about the economy.

“They’re just skipping over the most important news,” agreed Stelter.

This is a big change for CNN, but they expect it to lead to improved ratings. “I think this is an exciting new format for us,” explained CNN CEO and founder, Bob CNN, “and it’s a lot of cost savings, as we’re just paying the cable bill to watch FOX News.” He then added in a whisper, “I don’t actually have to pay those two to yell at FOX News.”

Darcy and Stelter didn’t offer any comment, as they were too engaged watching FOX News. “This isn’t even real news,” said Stelter as they stared at the TV.

“Anyone who watches just this is going to be really uninformed,” Darcy added. The two then sat in rapt attention as a catheter bag ad began to play.

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-unveils ... yell-at-it
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 02-09-2020 01:56 PM

As with most satire, pretty close to the truth. So lets Tamper ! Go Vote!



Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his opening statement at Trump's impeachment trial, Rep. Adam Schiff reminded the Senate of their solemn duty and the gravity of just what it is they will be discussing at the trial.

Schiff warned that if Trump is not impeached, the American people may have a chance to tamper with the next election.

"If President Trump is not impeached, the American people might get a say in who is president," Schiff said gravely. "We simply can't allow that to happen. We must diligently defend our electoral process against electoral outcomes we do not like. If that means seizing power through a sham impeachment trial, so be it."

"If President Trump is not impeached, the American people might get a say in who is president," Schiff said gravely. "We simply can't allow that to happen. We must diligently defend our electoral process against electoral outcomes we do not like. If that means seizing power through a sham impeachment trial, so be it."

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-w ... t-election
Last edited by Doka on 02-09-2020 06:52 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 02-09-2020 03:12 PM

Those Shifty lines deserves a third repeat. Was he drunk on drink or high on meth? :oops:

And that was not even a blip in the news ON ALL NEWS OUTLETS? That is my first time to read it Doka. :confused:

"If President Trump is not impeached, the American people might get a say in who is president," Schiff said gravely. "We simply can't allow that to happen. We must diligently defend our electoral process against electoral outcomes we do not like. If that means seizing power through a sham impeachment trial, so be it."

THE END (ing)............is right!

"When the Founders wrote that founding document thing, they never imagined there would be electoral outcomes that Democrats did not agree with."

Democrats also said they even have hard evidence that the 2016 election was compromised by Republicans voting for Trump.

"We know this horrible outcome could happen, because it's already happened once before."

Vote 2020 or stay home if the Dems continue to field lack luster choices!


This whole brief piece reads like fake news! But surely it is not faked! Since as wacky as these tribulations X 2 has been, suffering it's own predetermined fate each time, costing us million$ in D.C.; the Dem'$ are not done by any mean$!


MK II :idea:
.......all wasteful, climate changing wars. Begun again by the Red Blooded Royals, or by a bewitching God-like dictator, or any so called religion, or for any other reasons like a world wide virus pandemic! MK II 4/26/15

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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 02-25-2020 04:52 PM

Remember folks this is "Satire" granted.....these days ......hard to tell, Real Truth is Stranger Yet.

What is The Babylon Bee?

The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.

Bernie Sanders Praises China For Eradicating Poverty By Killing All The Poor People

U.S.—Presidential candidate and Senator Bernie Sanders offered words of praise for China's successful reduction of poverty in many parts of the country by killing off all the poor people through government control of the economy.

Sanders pointed out that the country has been very successful in eliminating vast swathes of poverty and also the poor.

"America still has a lot of poor people, and that's because we haven't been aggressive in implementing socialist programs that cause mass starvation," Sanders said, his fingers flopping around like ten tiny wacky inflatable tube men. "Firing squads, death camps, breadlines---all of these are humanitarian tools in the arsenal of the government to shoot poverty in the face, and sometimes also the poor in the face, when it's necessary."

The senator also pointed out that poor people, who often own fewer than three homes, don't contribute much to a socialist economy and "not much is lost" when these single-home-owners are shot or simply starve to death as the government can't even figure out how to get food to everyone, a problem even bad fast-food restaurants like McDonald's solved decades ago.

https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-sand ... oor-people
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 04-04-2020 12:45 PM

Some more satire...........not far off the "Mark", I'd say......... :confused:


Everyone Jumps Off Bridge After New Government Order Telling Everyone To Jump Off Bridge

U.S.—After state governments across the country directed their citizens to shut down their businesses and just kinda hope things worked out, a new order has been issued: everyone is to jump off a bridge immediately.

A government official issued the order to solve our current crisis, and everyone immediately complied.

"Everyone jump off a bridge," said a representative of the government.

"OK," said everyone. "If the government says so, it's probably a good idea. Besides, what can we do? It's the government. They definitely have the best people working on it."

The directive was designed to end coronavirus. Medical experts believe it's the best, most effective way to stop the virus. Assuming everyone follows through and obeys the order, coronavirus will be wiped out, according to officials. There are no bad side effects, as far as anyone can tell. A few people pointed out that it could kill everyone, but these people are anti-science and obviously hate their neighbors.

COMMENTS

https://babylonbee.com/news/government- ... f-a-bridge
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Riddick » 06-21-2020 11:21 AM

"Inside every progressive is a totalitarian screaming to get out." - David Horowitz

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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 07-20-2020 12:57 PM

News Flash, "McGruff, the Crime Dog......Had to be "Put-Down"


Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

U.S.—In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores.

Americans everywhere slammed Walmart for the move, saying it amounted to an infringement on our constitutional rights.

"I thought this was America," said one man as a greeter asked him to please put on some sweatpants or something before coming into the store. "It is my constitutional right to go into Walmart and shop for random stuff at 3 a.m. wearing nothing but some boxers and a giant Tweety Bird T-shirt I got in the '80s."

"Look, we don't think this is too much to ask," said a Walmart spokesperson. "Just throw on some sweats, pajama bottoms, whatever. This is for the health and mental safety of our employees. And for the love of God, take a shower once in a while, you know?"

Shirts will remain optional.

https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-req ... wear-pants
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 07-21-2020 08:07 AM

Doka,

As well off as the Walton family is, they can afford to be picky even though they might loose lots of faithful shoppers.

But don't we all know WM could be long tired of being the main HQ for so many pics of people dressed weirdly. By exposing pic after pic via too much of everything personally private in those adware multiple choice boxes we all love to hate! :confused:

Poor old McGruff anyway!

Just sayi'n..... 🚻


MK II
.......all wasteful, climate changing wars. Begun again by the Red Blooded Royals, or by a bewitching God-like dictator, or any so called religion, or for any other reasons like a world wide virus pandemic! MK II 4/26/15

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Meanwhile, At The Washington Free Beacon

Post by Riddick » 07-25-2020 09:54 PM

Biden Diminishes Proud History Of Democratic Presidential Racism
Calls Trump First 'Racist' President in Possible Dementia-Related Gaffe

It is unclear whether Biden's gaffe was deliberate and malicious or simply a consequence of his extensive cognitive decline. Either way, the former vice president's statement erased the existence of several proud Democratic racists who occupied the White House: LBJ, FDR, Woodrow Wilson, Andrew Johnson — The "most racist president of all time," according to HuffPost, and more.

Biden's history of racial gaffes—typically, misguided attempts at imitating ethnic accents—suggest that he is well-positioned to carry the Democratic Party's torch of racism into the future. FULL STORY
"Inside every progressive is a totalitarian screaming to get out." - David Horowitz

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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 07-26-2020 02:17 AM

There no sure thing about any debates this Fall. Some conservative radio hosts speculate Biden won't debate #45 if he could.

But if the two presidential hopefuls get the go ahead. It would not surprise me to hear President Trump suggest Biden start taking turmeric to help ward off his obvious early onset of dementia or Alzheimers!

MK II
.......all wasteful, climate changing wars. Begun again by the Red Blooded Royals, or by a bewitching God-like dictator, or any so called religion, or for any other reasons like a world wide virus pandemic! MK II 4/26/15

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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 10-06-2020 01:43 PM

My My , How Many Millions are screaming "It's All 'Bout ME, I get What I WANT, I get to JUDGE Everything ,Everybody!"


No body seems to have a sense of humor about anything any more, especially about themselves. They are all ready for the Communist Take Over, where "Darkness Reigns". They will never be human again.




Cancel Culture? Christian College Boots Babylon Bee CEO From 'Sacred Space' After Student Outrage

By Tyler O'Neil Oct 06, 2020 11:04 AM EST

Last week, Palm Beach Atlantic University (PBA) caved to student pressure regarding Seth Dillon, an alumnus and the CEO of the Christian satire site The Babylon Bee. PBA had invited Dillon to speak in a chapel service on September 30, but after students complained about someone with his political views speaking in chapel, the college booted him from the “sacred space.” Dillon has condemned PBA for caving to “cancel culture,” but PBA has insisted that it is not a “cancel culture” university.


Full Article/Comments

https://pjmedia.com/culture/tyler-o-nei ... e-n1006290
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Re: Welcome To The Babylon Bee

Post by Doka » 10-06-2020 01:51 PM

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying

WASHINGTON, D.C—President Donald Trump is once again under fire from the media for recklessly downplaying the danger of COVID by refusing to die. As the president begins to show signs of recovery, many worry that this sends the wrong message about the seriousness of the global pandemic.

“Every hour that he lives is another hour that the severity of this virus is undermined!” said reporter Sara Grace Major for CNN. “Why won’t he just DIE and show the American people how deadly this virus truly is?”

“Mr. President, are you sure you don’t need to lie down indefinitely or go on a ventilator?” asked another distraught journalist. “Maybe even say goodbye to your loved ones?!”

“Honestly, I feel terrific. Tremendous, really. I was never afraid of this virus before, but now I am even more not afraid. It’s sad, really. I was told this virus would be one tough cookie,“ Trump said to the press. “In fact, I’ve never felt better.”

“His defiance is going to get people killed. Dying like he’s supposed to would be the most patriotic thing he could do,” complained CNN correspondent Adam Pelot. “If he lives, how will the people be able to trust science?"

At publishing time, members of the press had begun pulling their own hair out as they watched the "incredibly strong and healthy" president go for a jog around the White House grounds.

https://babylonbee.com/news/media-criti ... -not-dying
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