Post
by docnaz » 04-19-2006 11:41 PM
I had to add this entry I copied from my Live Journal Coast2coast site.
Wow!
Oh this is just all so weird and sudden, sad, confusing, and somewhat exciting and surprising as well. I really love the guy, and of course I wish him well. I want him to be happy and have a companion, and all I have to go on is what he has told us, but this just seems so sudden and strange, and she seems so young. However, ultimately, whatever he chooses to do is really his own business, and we have to trust that he'll make the right decisions for himself. But after all these years, all this time, I can't help but care.
I have been addicted to this show for YEARS and YEARS, been there through all of his leavings and returnings, it's been some ride, but this last tragedy, the death of Ramona, was so hard. I was so wrapped up in his grieving her loss, and naturally I loved her and grieved too. I always felt her presence there behind the scenes and I so admired him for being the kind of man who would so openly declare his love for his wife, for being steadfast and faithful, for loving her so deeply. He seemed like the ultimate romantic, the kind of husband any woman would want to have, someone who would declare his love for his wife so publicly.
When she died I cried and cried. I didn't sleep well for a few nights. I told everyone the story. I couldn't stop thinking about them, about him. I wrote an e-mail and sent a fast blast. I listened to the bumper music thinking that maybe he was saying things with the music that were too hard for him to say on the show, especially when he played love songs like, "I'm In You."
And I love the guy. He's been like a friend and a night time companion to me. I know so many who, like me, go to bed at night listening to his voice. I like George but I'm mad for Art and always look forward to the weekends. And of course I want him to be happy, and I'm sure Ramona would want him to be. He's made it pretty clear that he is the kind of man who has to have a woman, a companion, a partner, and that he can't or won't do a lot of basic things for himself. I naturally assumed that despite the love he feels for his wife, and the great relationship they had, that he would most certainly hook up with someone else eventually, or even after a year or so. But this is sooo soon, and she is so young, and it just feels weird.
I can't help but wonder how he could have managed to fall that deeply in love with someone else in such a short time, via e-mail, and all while he was grieving the loss of his wife. I mean it's only been a few months, and this new relationship must have been going on for some time already, so how long did he wait? I don't know. It's really none of my business, and again I want him to be happy, but as a woman who has had her heart broken by a philandering man, as a woman who is aging in a society that worships youth, as a woman who thinks men don't want to deal with complex women with rich histories and would rather exchange their money for someone easier and less complicated, I can't help but feel a wee bit disappointed, rejected in some way.
I imagine this sounds insane because why on earth would I take something that someone I have never met does personally? I guess I just have certain prejudices, or wounds, and I don't like to admit this. I guess I have to face the fact that I wanted him to marry someone more like me, a mature American woman, someone who would be more of an equal, rather than someone who seems like a very compliant, very young, possibly gold-digging Filipino child bride.
I guess I'm just conflicted about this whole thing and obviously way too wrapped up in his personal life when again, this is none of my business. I mean honestly, so what if this is an exchange of sorts, a trade of youth, beauty, energy, and simple companionship, for maturity, intelligence, talent, fidelity and support? So what? Ramona, I guess that's what, that's the sticking point that I have to get over, and I didn't know her, so I have to trust that Art knows she would have wanted him to be happy no matter how fast and with whom. I have to get over my old fashioned societal notions of how people should grieve -- black and tears for a year, etc. I have to be loving, accepting, and a real friend. A real friend would understand.
However, it wouldn't be fair of Art to pick and choose when he wants our love and support, or our interest in his life. He has to expect that we would have some reaction other than, "Woot woot right on you go guy!" When people who live their lives in a public way, come into our homes via their voices or images, and share deeply personal parts of their lives with us, it has to be expected that we will feel in some small way like we are a part of their lives, and that we will naturally care about them and the things they do.
I truly hope that the speedy nature of this relationship, and my apprehension about this, don't mean anything in the long run and that she is a wonderful woman who will make him happy and be a great companion to him. I hope that he will be a good husband to her. I wish them happiness despite my needing some time to catch up with them. I still miss Ramona and am still somewhat in denial about her death which is probably why this is hard to embrace. Give me a couple of months and as long as the cats are all happy and safe, as long as Art and his new wife are happy, as long as he stays in touch from far far away in the Fillipines, then I'll get onboard and throw rice : )
Big hugs,
A surprised and overwhelmed Jacqui
So glad we are here. Sometimes some stormy weather may rock the boat, but no outright typhoons. Whew!!
There is lots going on.
