Christmas Jokes

~ for laffs ;-> Originally started by Ole 63 - 'Hey, ladies. Get with the program'

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Riddick
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Christmas Jokes

Post by Riddick » 12-10-2018 12:08 AM

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
Why is Santa a good race car driver? He’s always in the pole position.
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.
What's red and white and falls down chimneys? Santa Klutz.
What's Santa's favorite kind of potato chip? Crisp Pringles.
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This will sleigh you.
What did the snowman say to the other snowman? 'Do you smell carrots?'
What kind of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do reindeer take for an upset stomach? Elk-a-seltzer.
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack? Only one – after that, it’s not empty any more.

At Christmas, mother says to Little Johnny, "Go on and light up the Christmas tree Johnny.“ Johnny runs off happily and comes back after a while, asking, "Should I light up the candles, too?“

For a gift, my wife told me "Nothing would make me happier for Christmas than a diamond necklace." So I bought her nothing.

We were so poor when I was a child at Christmas we exchanged glances.

I bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note saying ‘Toys not included’.

I don’t mind fruitcakes. They’re the one thing during the holidays I’m not tempted to eat.

We’ve invited the mother-in-law round for Christmas for the last eight years. This year, we might even let her in.

Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes. And it's on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.

Don't forget, mail your packages early so the USPS can lose them in time for Christmas.

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