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No one wrecks words quite like Archie Bunker. After going through the vigorous Bunker brain rinse cycle, what comes out is a faint reference to the actual word, yet used in just the right place in the conversation. Here's some of the best English-mangling Archie Bunkerisms.

Arguing with Mike, Archie says “That's irreverent to the conversation.” Mike corrects him ‘irrelevant” & Archie says “What ever, it’s not German to the conversation.”

“I’ll tell you the basical problem with your drop outs today is that they ain't got no gratitude. What they got here is the greatest country in the world, the highest standard of living and the grossest national product.”

“Back in my day we learned to keep things in their proper suspective.”

Mike says, “It’s just pelvic construction, women are built differently” & Archie answers, “Oh please don’t draw me no diaphragms .“

“It’s a well known fact that capital punishment is a detergent to crime!”

Archie asks, “What’s that smell?" - Gloria tells him her friend Robin is burning incense Archie says “It smells like a house of ill–refute.”

“They want people like your mother on the jury because they know she doesn’t have any pre-conscrewed ideas.”

“There’s wide open sex all over the place, but that’s okay that’s just your submissive society!”

“It ain’t enough that he’s a pinko and an Atheist, you’re gonna turn him from a man into a morphadite.” “What’s a Morphadite?” Gloria asks, & Archie’s insight comes spilling forth… “A freak with a little bit of each… and not enough of neither!”

“I wanna tell you somethin’ I got no respect for a guy that’s spends his whole life gettin’ cheap thrills out of other people’s nuditity.”

“Listen, nobody gets arrested in this country unless they deserve it. If he don’t go callin’ cops pigs or another of them epaulets, he’ll be alright.”

Edith: “Archie, please let him come back in, he’s really a very nice boy.” Archie- “Nice boy! What’da mean nice boy. After he done what he done. Comin’ in here and making suppository remarks about his country!”

”Certainly that’s the way it was for a long time. One religion til they started splittin’ off into all them other denumerations there. Your Catholics, your Perspiterians.”

Gloria: "You’re acting like Scrooge." Archie- "Ah, don’t Scrooge me, I’m the only one around here that understands the true and solemn meaning of Christmas. It’s a time for peace and quiet contemtation.”

Archie giving Edith a command-“Get on the phone and call the lodge and confirm that the Bunkers is goin’ on a trip to Florida as prederanged.”

"You never believe nuttin', Edith. You're one of them septics."

“Now hear this, all of yous: It's a very serious problem we got here that’s gonna take all my thinking and all of my consecration.”

Neighbor Irene Lorenzo wants to cut the party cake & Archie says, "Hold your horses, Irene. Like the Good Book says,'Patience is a virgin.'”

“This is a Jewish cake! They give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed.”

“The Bible, if ya read it you'd know. It's right in the beginning there, in the Book of Generous.”

Edith: "You've been to lots of funerals." Archie- "I know, I know, Edith, but I ain't never delivered a urology."

While it never seemed that way, Moe was the real punching bag for the Three Stooges. Enjoy

@ $100 per show or per week, I'm not sure. I think that each punch, jab, slap, strange substance like paint, glue, and tool abuses should have made them waaay more $! All Stooges made their production company millions off their combined comedic genious!


MK II ∆= "JERRY!"

Crazy funny, every one of 'em. Wokies need real humor just as much as the rest of us, now more than ever!


MK II ∆=®™

Those are funny funny Riddick!

Just curious MK 11, why the same songs posted every time you post?

After I retired, my wife insisted I go with her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men I found it boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my wife received the following letter from the local store manager:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.