Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

~ for laffs ;-> Originally started by Ole 63 - 'Hey, ladies. Get with the program'

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Riddick
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IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT

Post by Riddick » 02-10-2023 12:30 AM

So about 2 inches of snow fell overnight. Here's how my morning after went

8:00 am - I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.

8:22 - The transgender man.. women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not used to decorate snow figures.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:30 - I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive.

8:37 - Then accused of using a black face on the snowperson.

8:39 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be completely covered.

8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The 'council on equality' officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - The TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen. I replied "Snowballs" and am now a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding that I be arrested.

9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.

10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman...

Moral: There ain't no moral to this story. It is what this world has become because of a bunch of snowflakes.
A mind should not be so open that the brains fall out; however, it should not be so closed that whatever gray matter which does reside may not be reached. ART BELL

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 02-10-2023 08:29 AM

What a sad :cry: commentary on on what the world's people have become. So terribly sad. :cry:

And the thing is, it spreads like the measles , I have always been on the cynical side , but, I have become such a
pessimist, I depress my self, not a good thing.
KARMA RULES

Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities, Can Make You Commit Atrocities': Voltaire

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Riddick » 02-17-2023 10:34 AM

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay"?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and,after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!", she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch, I guess."

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 02-17-2023 11:18 AM

:evilpengu :facepalm: :biglol:
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Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities, Can Make You Commit Atrocities': Voltaire

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The Robot Bartender

Post by Riddick » 02-23-2023 11:46 PM

A guy goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So... you people still happy with Biden?"

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The Young Ventriloquist

Post by Riddick » 03-03-2023 12:59 AM

A young ventriloquist touring Norway puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little sh!t on your lap."

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Laff AND Drink Yourself Silly With Some St. Patty's Day Funnies

Post by Riddick » 03-17-2023 08:42 AM

Image

Image

What is a leprechaun’s favorite type of music?
Sham-rock ‘n’ roll.

What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day?
BOOs.

Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too far to walk.

What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?
A streprechaun.

Image

What do you call a fake Irish diamond?
A shamrock.

Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
To keep from falling into the stew.

Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.

What is Irish and left on the lawn?
Paddy O’Furniture.

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What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O’Shay.

How did the Irish Jig get started?
Too much to drink and not enough restrooms.

Why do leprechauns hate running?
They’d rather jig than jog.

What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?
Short ribs.

Image

What do Irishmen say when you tell them Bono is your favorite singer?
You too?

What happens when a leprechaun falls into the Irish Sea?
He gets wet.

Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
They’re very short-tempered.

What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A bachelor. Or a murder suspect.

Image

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What do you call a leprechaun who goes to jail?
A lepre-con.

Who catches lepre-cons?
Under-clover cops.

What did Yogi Berra say on St. Patrick’s Day?
It ain’t clover til it’s clover.

What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover?
That you have too much time on your hands.

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Last edited by Riddick on 03-17-2023 06:12 PM, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 03-17-2023 02:14 PM

WOW! Riddick, Thank You for the St Paddy's Day viewing pleasure :D !
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Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities, Can Make You Commit Atrocities': Voltaire

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 03-17-2023 10:58 PM

Doka wrote: 03-17-2023 02:14 PM WOW! Riddick, Thank You for the St Paddy's Day viewing pleasure :D !
Yes Riddick a double quote from Doka's approval and mine! Go Irish! :mrgreen:

😂 😂 😂
[*]@ #2 Find the eerie antedating of 12/7/1941 vs 9/11/01


#1 A

https://youtu.be/DUY8aSx8-yo

#1 B

🌎 🏔 🌏 🗻 🌍 🌋
https://youtu.be/ajRuvYMk30E

#2

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/superna ... -t543.html

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Sci-Fi / Superhero Friday

Post by Riddick » 03-24-2023 12:47 AM

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Easter Funnies

Post by Riddick » 04-07-2023 12:55 PM

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Riddick » 04-14-2023 02:53 AM


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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Malaria_Kidd II » 04-16-2023 07:51 PM

Hi up there Active One! Your comedic discoveries are great! "Jays Headlines" was my favourite parts of the Tonight Show. Even when Johnny Carson still hosted the same laughs.


MK II

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Ernest P Worrell KNOWWHUTIMEMES

Post by Riddick » 06-23-2023 03:32 AM

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Re: Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

Post by Doka » 06-23-2023 12:09 PM

Thank You, Riddick :D
KARMA RULES

Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities, Can Make You Commit Atrocities': Voltaire

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