Punny New Year's Resolutions

[Riddick]

In 2025 I resolve to...

Sell my vacuum cleaner. It’s just collecting dust.

Order a chicken and an egg online to see which comes first.

Get over my fear of hurdles, but it may take a leap of faith.

Buy a cheap hairpiece for my bald spot. It will be a small price toupee.

Clean all the mirrors in the house. Honestly, I could see myself doing that.

Visit the Grand Canyon. I’ve heard it’s just gorges.

Visit a nude beach, as soon as I overcome being clothes-minded.

Refuse to attend funerals before 10 a.m. I’m just not an early mourning person.

Reward myself with a new golf shirt because over the holidays I got a hole in one.

Dress up as a clown and entertain the neighborhood children for their birthdays. They will appreciate the jester.

Make a long overdue call to my wife’s OB-GYN who delivered our kids and thank him for helping them out.

Stop spreading nasty office gossip in the elevator. That’s being mean on so many levels.

Learn how to pick locks. It should open doors for me in 2025.